


Aim

by Semi_problematic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Heartbreak, Insecurity, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rejection, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 05:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16078952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: "It's nice to see you outside of your room." Rick muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I would have appreciated it if you told me.""I obviously didn't need to since you're stalking me-""I am protecting you, Carl. I know you don't think you need it-""I don't." Carl hissed.





	Aim

**Author's Note:**

> Like always Carl is 18/19

The weight of his gun felt heavy in his hands as he walked through the knee high grass. It had been weeks since he curled his fingers around the one thing that made him feel strong, but touching it now was different. The gun felt the same and looked the same, but within a span of two months Carl had changed drastically. Now, he only had one eye. There was no way he could hit a walker now, which was why climbing the wall was terrifying.

Carl needed the fear, though. Fear pushed him and reminded him his place in this new world. If Carl couldn't kill the walkers now, he wouldn't survive. Of course, Rick and Michonne would protect him, but people would get tired of it. There was no room for babying in this new world. Growing up happened as soon as you could hold a gun. 

He felt helpless without being able to hhi things. On the way out to his field he tried shooting a tree or a stick, but he missed each and every time. He used to be so good at this. Carl had been able to hit any moving target as long as he could see it. But now everything was different. He was more jumpy and his depth perception was destroyed. It would take him months to get used to shooting and years for it to become matrual again. Carl didn't have that time.

A twig snapping behind Carl caused him to whip around and raise his gun. In front of him stood Rick, a gun in hand. He must have been tracking Carl, which terrified him. Not because his dad was following him but because it was so easy for him to do it. Carl needed to get better at listening and at not walking in a straight line. 

"It's nice to see you outside of your room." Rick muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I would have appreciated it if you told me."

"I obviously didn't need to since you're stalking me-"

"I am protecting you, Carl. I know you don't think you need it-"

"I don't." Carl hissed. "What I need is for everyone to stop babying me for five minutes. I was shot in the eye and yeah, it sucks, but I need to learn how to exist on my own again." 

"I understand that, but I will worry about you. I always have. Even before all this-" Rick waved his hand in the air. "I'm your father. It's my job to keep you safe. You sneaking out is only making it harder on me to protect you. If you want to leave, that's fine, leave, but don't sneak out like you're a criminal."

"I didn't want anyone to follow me." Carl sighed. "Everyone is walking on eggshells around me and I just needed a break."

"And you have your gun because?" Rick tilted his head to the side and studied Carl. 

"To protect myself-" 

"Bullshit." Rick replied, walking towards him. "You use your knife because you know we are running low on bullets." He stopped, one foot from Carl, maybe even less. "Don't lie to me, Carl, I don't have time for these lies." 

Carl looked down at the ground, hunching down. His hair fell in front of his face, hiding the shameful look he had. "I wanted to learn how to shoot again... I can't even hit the dart board anymore. I want to be able to help and I-" He took a deep breath, blinking away the tears. "If I can't shoot I'm useless. I can't be useless. I need to help."

"You wouldn't be useless." Rick stated, standing up straighter. Carl was already preparing to argue, but Rick didn't give him time to speak. "But if you want to learn how to shoot again, I can teach you. We can set up a few different things for you to hit and I can help." 

Carl nodded, sucking on his lower lip. Without another word he turned his back to Rick and began to walk, gripping his gun so tight that his knuckles were a pale white color. "I don't need you to protect me."

"Humor me then." Rick replied, patting his back. "Do me a favor and pretend you still need your dad." He smiled down at Carl, sliding his hands through his hair. "Make your old man feel wanted again."

Carl scoffed, shoving him away playfully. "I will always want you. You're my dad." He pulled Rick back towards him, looking up at him. "That's why I need to do this... because when I lose you I need to keep going. I need to do what you want me to do." What Rick needed him to do.

"You don't have to worry about that." Rick rubbed the top of Carls head, chuckling. "I'm not dying until I'm good and ready." He wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into his side, kissing his head. "Besides, nothing is gonna take me away from you. I won't let it." 

"You can't control it." That was the hard thing. It was rare that you could ever get control over anything. Each move made was calculated by fear and weakness. 

"Yeah..." Rick sighed, stepping into the field and looking around. "Don't remind me."

They used different pieces of wood and sticks as targets. Rick used rocks to set them up higher and to prop them up in low places. Walkers didn't hold still, but Carl needed to get used to aiming and hitting a still target before focusing on the moving ones. Rick finally retreated behind Carl.

"Take your time. Don't rush. I'll keep a look out for any of them." Rick patted his back. "Don't let the stress get to your head. You will be able to do this again." 

Carl ignored his father and aimed and fired. None of the targets were hit. In fact, Carl didn't even get close to hitting one. He shook his head and aimed again, firing. Still, nothing moved. He focused on his frustration and let it guide him. After emptying the clip, he pulled it out and threw it on the ground. He wanted to scream and cry and kill something, but all he did was stand and stare at the ground. He was useless. 

"Why did you stop?" 

"I couldn't hit it." Carl replied blankly. "We should head back. The sun will be setting."

"We aren't heading back until you do what you came here to do. Now reload your gun and hit the target." 

Carl clinched his fists. "I can't!" 

"You can." Rick was too calm. It pissed Carl off. He didn't understand what it was like to have the one thing you're good at ripped away from you. "Reload the gun, I'll show you." 

Carl tried to ignore his shaking hands and fast heartbeat as he reloaded his gun. Rick was close, his chest pressed to Carls back. Carl had gotten good at ignoring his feelings for Rick. The sick, twisted feeling of want and love that was left thrumming throughout his body each time Rick touched him. If Rick knew the thoughts Carl had he would hate him. Carl knew he was sick and what he wanted was wrong, but he couldn't help it. 

The feelings only got worse when Rick wrapped his arms around Carls waist and helped him aim his gun. His lips were pressed against Carls ear as he spoke, his fingertips ghosting over Carls hip bone, beneath his shirt.

"Don't focus on how perfect your aim is." Ricks hot hand wrapped around Carls as he raised the gun. "Don't over think, either. Just pull the trigger." Carl shivered against Rick as his hot breath washed over Carls ear. He wished Rick would always hold him like this. "When it all comes down to it, you won't have time to think, just to do."

Carl mirrored how Rick had him aim several times, but he missed over and over. Rick continued to talk him through it, soothing him and reminding him that everyone misses, even when its life or death. That didn't make Carl feel better, but the lack of silence did. On his last bullet, Carl took a deep breath and aimed. The sun was setting so they were going to have to walk home soon. 

Bang! 

The wood split into jagged pieces, flying all across the field. Carl dropped his gun, staring at the wood that was now spread across the field. Strong arms wrapped around him and lifted him up, holding him tight.

"I hit it!" Carl shouted, twisting around in Ricks grip and hugging him. His heart was slamming into his rib cage. 

"You did." Rick grinned, kissing his forehead. "I knew you could. It just takes time." Carl stroked his hair, smiling. "I'm so proud of you." 

Carl sucked in a breath then stared at Rick. He kissed him. And he kissed him. And he kissed him. Carl had never kissed anyone before, but kissing Rick set his nerves on fire. He pulled away and stared up at Rick, biting his lip. "I-" 

"We should go home." Rick cut him off. He was unfazed. Carl felt his heart stop. "The monsters come out at night." 

Carl had a feeling he wasn't talking about the undead.


End file.
